Saturday, October 13, 2012

Something Called Life

He grasped her wrist tightly almost seeming to want to break it. Nadia eyes were fixed on his face and the expression of angry running through his body.
Strong emotions could be seen even with closed eyes. Madness, that he is confusing with the delusion of true love. Control with a taste of pure hate. She planned to stand her ground. The moment felt long.

“I am leaving” she said. “I am walking out the door. I've made up my mind. And nothing is going to change that”.

“How far do you think you'll get huh?” He replied staring into her eyes. These eye falsely displayed compassion and remorse. Now, these eyes overflowed with certainty and arrogance.

“Far enough and like I said nothing is going to stop me. Please move and just let me go now” she replied.

“You can't get far if you're in the hospital” taking hold of her wrist and he swung her into the nearest wall.

Her body flung and the sound of her shoulder bone cracked louder than her body hitting the wall. She let out a loud scream of pain and not for help. This was a moment like so many others when choices became a decision of survival. She quickly fell to the floor. The wrist of her right hand was still in his firm grip as he rushed to kick her under the arm.

As his foot drew back she quickly and violently shouted “I AM SORRY”, with eyes full of tears.

He pulled her off the floor and directly into his face and eyes “How far do you think you will get huh?” almost speaking in a whisper. “I am not going anywhere. Am not going. . .” she cried. He walked away fearless.

She thought about biting him or kneeing him in the groin, but she did nothing. Again, Nadia found herself on the floor of cheap vinyl. At this moment her heart vibrated pure pain.
Nadia realized it was not love that kept her silent, broken, and lost, but fear. The fear of her own death scared her. "I want to know what it is like to LIVE", she said in her thoughts. There was not one moment in her life she could remember feeling alive. Poverty and violence in childhood, continued for twenty-seven years.

Yet, somewhere in the middle of her chest she felt light. This light began to grow as she closed her eyes and focused. It was familiar, something she felt all her life even as a young girl. Hope to fulfill her dream to be alive.

She remembered a moment from childhood, one that was positive. When she was a child her mother would take her to park to swing at night. Nadia would swing as high as she could and stare at the stars. Staring at a beautiful dark midnight blue sky where she felt free and full of bliss.
Nadia realized she could not live this dream unless she was free from her nightmare. Unless she promised herself she would never create this vision of despair again in her life.

With her eyes still closed she felt absolute confident as she spoke these words aloud, "Dear God, I am ready".

Birds began to chirp outside the window. This was a harmonious massage from God. Everything that was once unclear became clear. Time had passed in the night as quickly as she sat on the floor.
There was nothing in this relationship or home worth holding on to or even packing a suitcase.
Nadia knew his patterns and behaviors. During the time when he slept the most peacefully, right before the sun rose, she prepared to leave. As she walked into her bedroom she grabbed hold of an old Chanel perfume bottle her mother used to keep. She rubbed it between her fingers almost as if to make a wish with a magic the lamp.

Her heart became warm with happiness; she smiled and felt beautiful. Even thought she was in physical pain she could only feel joy. She repeated in her mind and heart these words over and over "God, I am ready". With the light in her heart to guide her, she left to find freedom and something called life.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Amanda Todd Another Victim Of Bullying

 Amanda Todd was a young 15 year girl, who recently took her own life because of bullying.  She was misused by more than one man, and hurt. She was bullied online and in school. Her family did the best and moved several times to help her start her life again.  Several times she hurt herself and she  just wanted someone to love her.  I love you Amanda and I am very sorry that no one was there to stand up for or give you the confident you needed to keep going in this world. 

(These photos do not belong to me)

I desperately want to hug her and let her know she is safe, but it is too late. Some many of us are in pain and suffering. This beautiful young girl, this child is gone forever from life. I pray with all my heart the God blesses her. Her story is one of pain, and she did not deserve to be hurt this way. No one does. This bullying maybe the next media news, but it is real life issue. I have experienced bullying and still have to heal many hurts. My heart and prayers go to her loving family.

This has got to end. It must end forever. Let this be the last bullied child or person that takes their own precious life.  Love heals, love heals please stop hurting other whoever you are.

I am sorry Amanda, So very sorry.


Sight, Touch, Smell, Hearing, Taste

Standing in a small room a person believes they are alone.

Every light is on in this room because they are afraid of the dark

But they will not say it aloud. Abaddon knows fear. He knows this person.

This person is you.

Smell of anxiety feels his mouth. Uncomfortable, you know you're not alone. Lights are your comfort.

But what if there are no lights?

 In the dark you are now.

What to do?

Unplanned and dreadful you run to the window to let in light.

Only to find that light no longer exist . . .

Mighty Griffin

 How do I become as fearless as you?

With eyes that pierce stone

Even the bravest men fear your existence

Free to roam in secret
Flying as high as your wings will take you

Running fast as your feet embrace the ground below you

From where you stand everything falls below

But you are never without pride to low your wings carefully with love and grace

The curves in your shoulder and arch of your back make your stance fearless

There is no doubt you are A Griffin